Should I Wait to date?
When is the right time to get back in the dating ring? This is a common question I get asked in my line of work. Taking time to self-reflect, learn and grow is a necessary part of our journeys. Our relationship with ourselves is one of the most important and from birth it’s a relationship that isn’t always nurtured. Children are designed by nature to people-please. We are taught what makes our parents happy and get molded to fit the family system. It’s a remarkable survival mechanism that is engrained in all of us. Inner-bonding is seldom nurtured. Our inner relationship usually doesn’t get the attention it needs until adulthood and shows up in our relationships.
We had to move away from pain growing up because the emotions were too hard. Our feelings are a north star, source of inner-guidance. Growing up, we aren’t aware of our emotions and usually are taught to turn away from them. Parents are busy or don’t understand emotions to begin with. We had to adapt to the situation. This adaptation can follow us into our adulthood.
In my line of work, I see brave people who want to learn more about themselves and improve their relationships. We need to have a good relationship with ourselves and understand the foundations of relationships. We need to understand our boundaries, red flags, needs, wants, and what makes us compatible with our partner. It’s a fair assessment to get this down before you dive into the dating pool. However, having the knowledge of relationships only gets us so far. It isn’t until we put that knowledge into action and work through our junk with someone else that we can heal. We are pact animals, we aren’t designed to go at it alone. Healthy relationships can heal our traumas and help us to propel individually. You heard me right. You don’t have to be the “best version of yourself” in order to get out there and date. You don’t have to feel “completely okay flying solo” before you let someone join your flock. Conflict in relationships will always be there and serve as an opportunity to learn understand each other and to make better choices for yourself and your partner. Conflict that can help form healthy bonds if you and your partner work at it together like two members of the same team with a mission in mind. You don’t have to always agree and you both don’t always have to be happy with the outcome. You might need to learn to be okay when your partner isn’t okay, and not have to do things against your will to please them. And that means your partner might need to know that it doesn’t mean you don’t love them, but that you just can’t see eye-to-eye on this one. It’s the effort you made in trying to understand their point of view and remain respectful that builds trust and love. Constantly moving away from conflict keeps us in a protective bubble. Sometimes you gotta lean in and take a calculated risk to grow.