Know Your Adult Attachment Style Mini-Quiz

Instructions: When completing this questionnaire, please focus on one significant relationship – ideally a current or past partner as the focus here is on adult relationships. This does not necessarily need to be a romantic relationship but must be the individual with whom you feel the most connection. Who is your primary “go to” person if you’re sick, in trouble, want to celebrate, call with news, etc.? This questionnaire is designed to be an interactive learning tool. Please highlight, circle, or comment on any statements that are particularly relevant to you or that you’d like to revisit for exploration at a later time. When responding, consider how strongly you identify with each statement. Using the scale below, respond in the space provided.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE A DIAGNOSTIC TOOL, but it’s a good starting point to begin your personal exploration into your attachment styles.

 3%
1. In general, I feel comfortable around my partner.
2. It’s easy for me to go from being with my partner to having alone time.
3. When something goes wrong, it’s easy for me to apologize and brainstorm solutions with my partner.
4. In general, I believe that people are good.
5. When my partner and I make an agreement, it’s important that I uphold my end.
6. It’s important for me to understand my partners needs and I feel comfortable expressing my own needs.
7. I prioritize safety in my relationship and protect my partner from others.
8. I look forward to sharing quality time with my partner and I enjoy showing kindness to them.
9. It’s too uncomfortable to say “I love you” to my partner.
10. I respect my partner’s privacy by keeping secrets and respecting boundaries.
11. I have a good idea of what I want in a relationship, but don’t feel like I can have it. I rarely feel satisfied.
12. Sometimes, I find myself being over-accommodating and apologetic for things I didn’t do.
13. I want to make sure the other person is okay and often times forget to take care of myself.
14. I find it difficult to say “no” to people.
15. I replay conversations and wish I said something differently.
16. I have a hard time receiving love from my partner and sometimes hold a grudge when I catch myself giving too much.
17. I don’t like to be alone. Sometimes being alone makes me feel abandoned.
18.  I feel incomplete when I’m single.
19. Sometimes, I try to make my partner feel jealous so that they chase me.
20. I find that I lose myself in my relationships and want what they want.
21. When my partner gets too close, I feel the need to escape.
22. I don’t need close relationships.
23. I am self-reliant and don’t usually ask for help. I do most of my hobbies alone.
24. Sometimes, I feel superior for being independent and I wish others were more independent.
25. I prefer alone time over spending time with my partner.
26. Sometimes, I prefer casual sex over commitment.
27. I prefer spending time with animals or plants over people.
28. It’s difficult and sometimes uncomfortable to make eye-contact.
29. I get easily annoyed with my partner.
30. After a relationship ends, at first I get excited, but then later I become depressed.
31. When I reach a certain level of intimacy with my partner, I sometimes feel anxious or fearful.
32. When my partner and I have a problem, I feel like there is no solution.
33. I feel easily startled when someone approaches me unexpectedly.
34. I’ve heard from other people that I’m controlling.
35. I often anticipate the worst in my relationship.
36. I struggle to feel safe in my relationship.
37. When I think of past relationships, I have trouble recalling how I felt.
38. Even though I want to feel close with my partner, I find myself avoiding emotional intimacy.
39. When there is a possibility of danger present, I find myself freezing or zoning out.
40. I sometimes become easily confused or zone out when I’m stressed, so I need for my partner to communicate clearly and concisely.